Sunday, January 5, 2014

Best Songs of 2013

Just like cronuts and blogspot, we all know that lists are on their way out.  Lists became so huge in 2013 that I’m convinced I don’t even know how to read novels, articles, or the back of shampoo bottles anymore because if reading material is not in list form, FORGET IT. Websites like Buzzfeed and Upworthy have become mainstream and you’ve probably noticed on your Facebook newsfeed that everyone from your 10-year old cousin to your grandma is posting garbage lists that are titled something like “10 Chicken Nuggets That Look Like Selena Gomez” or whatever.  And you know what? I happen to still love lists thankyouverymuch, and I’ve decided to make my own!  Here’s a list of songs that I loved in 2013, because I know you all care deeply.  

1. Drunk in Love- Beyonce ft. Jay Z

Beyonce’s “visual album” was the gift I didn’t know I wanted but desperately needed. I have always rooted for Beyonce but grew tired when she continually released one mediocre pop song after another.  Then came 4, her 2011 album.  I don’t love 4, but you can sense that Beyonce was on the cusp of something new, taking risks with the rhythmically schizophrenic but awesome Countdown and the 90s r&b sounding Love on Top. But after that, there was nothing for almost three years. Aside from re-watching her 2013 Super Bowl performance seven thousand times, 2013 was the year when I was pretty much gave up on Beyonce. And then.  AND THEN. Like a thief in the night, Beyonce stole all of our hearts and blew our minds at midnight on 12/13/13.  I stayed up until 3 a.m. watching the 30-second iTunes previews of her 17 videos over and over again and then promptly invited all my friends over to watch all of them in their entirety the next night.  It’s her masterpiece, you guys. You can tell it’s the album that she wanted to make--a feminist manifesto, a love letter to her husband and child, and a public sex diary rolled into one awesome listening experience.  It was hard to choose a favorite off of the album, but Drunk in Love is probably the one I listen to the most.  She sort of simultaneously channels Damien Rice’s slurred, drunken voice that he uses in his song Cheers Darlin’ and Rihanna’s weird but cheerful caribbean rapping style, if you can imagine that. The message of this song is that Beyonce and Jay Z love each other a lot and like to have wild, drunken sex with each other as husband and wife.  In today’s world, that’s a pretty wholesome message!

Memorable Lyrics:
“Your breasteses is my breakfast.” LOLZ JAY Z
“Can’t keep your eyes off my fatty.”
2. The Fall- Rhye

There is nothing super spectacular about this simple song, except that it makes me feel things. I think what I love most about this song is the crescendoing first line, in which Rhye longingly croons  “Mmmmmmmmmmmm make love to me,” in a sensual Sade kind of way.  If you’re lucky, you can hear me sing that line on a loop under my breath at pretty much any moment in any location because this song is constantly stuck in my head.  You can imagine the kinds of stares I get. Whatever, no regrets.

Memorable Lyric:
“Mmmmmmmm make love to me.” Obviously.

3. Black Skinhead- Kanye West

Never mind that I just got home from a shopping trip at The Gap, made some quinoa and then turned on New Girl….I LOVE HOW RAW THIS KANYE SONG IS. Although Kanye’s media personality typically makes my eyes roll so hard that they fall out of my head, I’ve always loved his music and Black Skinhead may be the best thing he’s done yet. This song’s everything I’ve ever dreamed: an insane and insanely amazing beat created by an arrogant but undeniably talented sociopath.  And dat lunatic yell tho! Kanye is the nucleus, guys. Let’s all get on board already.

Memorable Lyric:
“I’m aware I’m a wolf, soon as the moon hit
 I’m aware I’m a king, back out the tomb bitch.”

4. New Cat- My Body

I really wish I had made out with a boy in my college dorm room to this song.  I’m pretty sure it’s about a dead cat, which probably symbolizes a dead relationship or something. The perfect subject matter for a makeout song, right?

Memorable Lyric:
“Oh you, you wasted a lot of love on me
And I can’t, I can’t give it back, I can’t give it back, I never could.”

5. Lose Yourself to Dance- Daft Punk ft Pharrell

I was never into Daft Punk, and I’m not way into Random Access Memories, but this song is EVERYTHING. This is the perfect song to play at any party, wedding, or existential crisis. Also, #pharrellforever.

Memorable Lyric:
“Here take my shirt and wipe all the sweat, sweat, sweat
Lose yourself to dance.”

6. Chloroform- Phoenix

I actually didn’t love this song until I saw the video.  Sofia Coppola directed it and of course I watched it obsessively one day without being entirely sure why.  Watching Sofia Coppola’s work is kind of like looking at Pinterest; you’re just staring at pretty stuff for hours and you can’t explain why.  But the song grew on me after multiple viewings and I’ve been hooked ever since.  

Memorable Lyric:
“I don’t like it if you miss me
Why would I long for you?”

7. Dream the Dare- Pure Bathing Culture

I haven’t heard anything else by this band on purpose because I know their other songs can’t possibly compete with this one. The verses are lovely and almost nursery-rhyme like and the hook is unforgettable.  Also, if you look up the lyrics to this song, will you please explain to me what they mean? I feel like Daniel Desario in math class.

Memorable Lyrics: 
I don’t know any actual lyrics because I make them up.

8. So American- Portugal. The Man

I can’t even believe how good this song is. It feel like Portugal. The Man had all this ambition create a loud, political, and brazen anthem, which they totally executed perfectly.  I also once had a dream that I was having the time of my life drinking at a pub in Ireland with a bunch of dudes and we were singing this song all night long, so that’s cool I guess.

Memorable lyrics: 

“There's two eyes for every one of us

but somebody got there first and took them all"

9. Usher- Climax

No, this song isn’t as gross as the title implies.  Usher songs have always been good for break up montages and road trip sing alongs because they’re so dramatic to the point that they’re kind of funny.  Climax is dramatic too, but definitely not in a hilarious way.  Usher is so damn passionate that all you can do is stare at the ground as shivers run down your spine as think about your lost loves.

Memorable lyrics:
But you say it's better if we,
love each other separately
I just need you one more time
I can't get what we had off my mind.”

10. The Recipe- Kendrick Lamar

I love this Kenj song because it is a sweet homage to my home state of California.  Does any other state have better “women, weed, and weather” than California? Kenj says NO and I guess I’ll take his word for it.

Memorable lyrics- Most of these lyrics are terrifying, but I’ll go with:
"You might catch me in Atlanta, looking like a boss
New Orleans and then Miami, party in New York
Texas I be screwed up, Chi town I be really pimping
But nothing like my hometown I’m forever living."

Wednesday, March 23, 2011


If I were to die today, I imagine my obituary would read something like "She loved puppies and 30 Rock and occasionally pretended to be productive at service projects that were organized by people that were better than her." Yeah. Something like that. When I read the following words about Irena Sendler, I couldn't help but get a little weepy and inspired. Read it right now and then better yourself.

Irena Sendler, 1910-2008
A 98 year-old Polish woman named Irena Sendler recently died. During WWII, Irena worked in the Warsaw Ghetto as a plumbing/sewer specialist. Irena smuggled Jewish children out; infants in the bottom of the tool box she carried and older children in a burlap sack she carried in the back of her truck. She also had a dog in the back that she trained to bark when the Nazi soldiers let her in and out of the ghetto. The soldiers wanted nothing to do with the dog, and the barking covered the kids’ and infants’ noises. Irena managed to smuggle out and save 2500 children. She eventually was caught, and the Nazis broke both her legs, arms and beat her severely. Irena kept a record of the names of all the kids she smuggled out and kept them in a glass jar buried under a tree in her backyard. After the war, she tried to locate any parents that may have survived and reunited some of the families. Most had been killed. She helped those children get placement into foster family homes or adopted. Last year Irena was up for the Nobel Peace Prize. She was not selected. Al Gore won - for a slide show on Global Warming.

My thoughts exactly, Al.

Monday, February 28, 2011

Jamie Sullivan? Is that you?

I had to post this because I want to remember this look for the rest of my life. I don't really care for Mandy Moore, but she knocked it out of the park on Oscar night and now I'm going to keep my eyes peeled for her fashion choices in the future.
Isn't this so Betty Draper of her? I had to do a double-take because she doesn't look like Mandy Moore but a brunette Grace Kelly. Everything is perfect: polished hair, peaches and cream makeup, and a kick-a dress. Le sigh. I want to dress up.
By the way. Can we all campaign for Shane West to start acting again in real movies so he can make it to the Oscar's next year? I know you all want this to happen.

Thursday, February 17, 2011

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

I like how he looks

That is all.

Monday, January 24, 2011

Lay off me, I'm starving

A couple months ago I started what I hope to be a long term diet, otherwise known as a “life change” according to scary monster Jillian Michaels. I have been doing a lot of research about how to make this successful, and everything I read tells me that I need to admit that I’m trying to get fit publicly and probably write about it every once in a while or whatever. It’s been a rocky start, but I’ve lost ten pounds. And this is how I feel, constantly:


Will somebody please give me cookies? I won’t tell anyone.


I will also accept cupcakes.

Sunday, January 23, 2011

Whip it real good

I wish he was still the Fresh Prince.