Well, I never!

As of late, the title of this post is a little phrase that I find myself declaring quite often, with a southern belle accent of course. It can be quite appropriate in a number of situations, including, but not limited to:

When someone does something impressive
When someone says something perverted
When someone does something shocking
When I am accused of singing in the shower
When I am cut off on the freeway
When I cut someone off on the freeway
When someone accuses me of singing in the shower
When I am staring at/eating delcious food stuffs
When I see an attractive man
When a baby coos or does something equally as sweet
Anything involving puppies

And the list goes on and on. Yes, I utter these three simple words more often than Paula Dean says "needs more butter," but one day I sat down and thought really hard about the meaning of them. Let’s break it down.

But first, I tried to google a funny picture of Paula with butter, but found these elegant nails instead. Hilarious!




Back to breaking it down:

“Well” can be a filler word that is often used for hesitancy, no? We use it to spare a little time to think of what we are going to say next. That leads us to….

“I” refers to me, and me only. No one else. Me. Not you.

“Never” means not at all, not even kinda, sorta, just a little bit. Absolutely not.

The obvious meanings of these words got ME thinking about all of the things that I have never done and how I am too ashamed to admit what those things are. I am not talking about extreme things like skydiving, helping save the children in Africa, or making my armpit fart, either. I am talking about common things that I probably should have done or should currently be doing.

In fact, whenever I get in the horrible situation at a training/party/get to know you activity in which we play the dreadful game “Never Have I Ever,” I can usually exit unnoticed by backing slowly out the room mumbling “I need to powder my nose” or “excuse me while I take this call” since I know that I will WIN the game, because YES, I have NEVER done a ton of crap.

And now you want to know what these things are. And now I will tell you.

I have never:

+Read Harry Potter
+Hiked the Y
+Balanced my check book
+Ran a consecutive mile
+Dyed my hair
+Called to order a pizza
+Personally washed my car
+Used Neosporin
+Eaten sushi
+Seen: Psych, House, the CSIs, 24, Lost, or any other tv show that probably has actual merit
+Seen: Star Wars, LoTR, The Sound of Music, The Bourne Identity movies, or any other movie that probably has actual merit
+Bought a song off of iTunes
+Flossed (Just kidding. I’ve done it dozens of times.)
+Blessed my breakfast

What common things have YOU never done?